What Would You Do?

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Philippians 4: 12-13

What would you do if neither time nor money were an issue?

This is a question I would answer in different ways depending on when you asked me.  In my 20s, I would have told you that I wanted to continue to study music, to get a Masters Degree, and then a Doctorate of Music.  I wanted to teach trumpet in a university and play in a symphony orchestra.  I would tour the country - or even the world - giving master classes and soaking up the local culture.

As I approached 30, I would have told you that I wanted desperately to be able to have children.  If I had been able to afford testing, I would have tried to find out why I wasn't able to do so.  I would have searched for the best doctors and tried the latest therapies.  I prayed and I waited and I continued to dream of becoming a mom.  My dream to have children was eventually fulfilled.  I have two beautiful daughters and a handsome little boy as well.

In my 30s, I would have answered in a different way, still.  If I had lots of money and time wasn't an issue, I would have tracked down every autism expert to get help for my daughter, Anna.  I would have exposed her to every promising new therapy.  I would have learned how to do all the therapies myself.  I would have made sure that she had the best medications.  I would have worked with other parents and experts to try to prevent autism and to cure or diminish it's effects in children and adults who live with it.  We did the best we could with what we had at the time, and we will continue to do everything possible to improve the lives of all three of our children.

I turned 40 this year.  Looking back over my life.  I can see that God has blessed me abundantly.  None of us has unlimited time and I certainly do not have unlimited funds.  But what I do have is plenty.    There have been dreams realized, and dreams that I had to let go of.  I can see that even through times when I felt very small and completely insecure, God had a plan for me.  He has given me many talents.  Many of these, I have used in unconventional ways.  I'm not playing in an orchestra, but I used music to help my daughter to learn everything from our street address to the states and properties of matter.  And I am helping my other children learn to sing and play instruments.  They are all musically inclined and I love to watch them as they acquire new skills and perform in concerts and plays.

The Lord has added to my own set talents as well.  God has given me an abundance of patience over these many years.  He has helped me to use my training and experience as a teacher to help my own children.  He has used my organizational skills to help me to keep track of the many therapies, doctor's appointments, rehearsals, school projects... you get the idea.  There's a lot to keep track of at our house!  He has helped me to let go of my plans and to trust that His plans are better.  This is the time to invest in those beautiful children that I prayed so many nights for.  It is my job to teach them and to lead them.  I won't let myself, or anyone else, minimize that very important job.  They need me.  And God wants me to teach my children His ways, and forever and in all ways to lead them to Him.  It isn't an easy task.  Some days it seems impossible, but I know that in His strength, all things are possible.

Unpacking John 1:12

Yet to all who did receive Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God.  John 1:12

Yet to all who did receive Him:  to ALL people who the Lord has bestowed the Holy Spirit,

to those who believed in His name:  to ALL people who have faith that Jesus is the Lord, God

He gave the right:  God Almighty gave His guarantee 

to become:  to come to be

children of God:  the heir of the One True God, His child whom he loves and cares for

Thank you, God for your amazing Grace!

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Unfailing Love

Unfailing Love

an original poem, by Kim Merritt

Undeserving and unworthy, I come before Your throne.

In my anguish and desperation, I feel so all alone.

Reaching toward the heavens, I lift my frantic cry.

My hopes and dreams and all my plans, all that I held high,

It all seems very distant now,

So before my Lord, I bow.

His voice echoes in my mind, "Beloved, be not afraid.

Draw near to Me, Precious Child, let your worry fade.

I chose you before the foundation of the world to be holy and blameless in My sight.

Rest in my presence.  The Lord, your God, Himself will fight.

I will never leave you nor forsake you.  Be courageous and be strong!

My unfailing love indwells you, to almighty God, you belong."

Unpacking Psalms 36:7

How priceless is your unfailing love!  Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings.  Psalms 36:7

It is week 2 in the A Confident Heart online Bible study.  Today I am "unpacking" our memory verse for the week.  This verse is really speaking to me already!  It is so good to know that God's unfailing love is our perfect shelter!


How priceless:  Priceless means having a value beyond all price; invaluable.  Priceless can also mean delightfully amusing or absurd.  Some synonyms for "priceless" are: irreplaceable, precious, costly, and incomparable.

is your unfailing love:  God's love for us is unfailing.  His love is endless and completely dependable. 

Both high and low among men:  God loves us ALL!  Our position in life doesn't matter.  God loves us no matter how much stuff we have, no matter what our job is, no matter what we look like, no matter what the world thinks of us.  We are His precious creation and he loves all of us perfectly.

find refuge:  In God's love we are safe.  We can rest in God's love and know that we are sheltered from all that life throws at us.

in the shadow of your wings:  God gathers us to Himself like a mother bird gathers her babies to herself.  He shelters us and draws us to Him especially when the world's storms threaten our peace.

Perfect Love

Perfect love drives out fear.  Wow!  That statement fills me with awe.  God loves us and in fact, God is love.  I could meditate on these verses all day and still be amazed at God's love for us.  Here I am, a person amongst billions of others here on this planet, and God knows me.  He loves me.  I didn't earn His love.  Actually, I've sinned against God more than I care to admit.  I fall short of the perfect example that Jesus set for me every day.  I don't deserve His love, but He gives it freely.  He loves me in spite of my shortfalls, flaws, and sin.

Many of us search for perfect love in other people or in the things we accumulate.  Some of us are even blessed to have close friendships, wonderful marriages, and sweet obedient children.  But friends sometimes wound us, spouses sometimes hurt us, and children sometimes defy us.  Even our best earthly relationships will never truly be perfect.  People aren't perfect - we fall short.

Thankfully, we can choose to forgive the thoughtless actions of others.  And I certain hope that my friends, husband, and children will forgive me when I fall short.  We should strive to forgive others as God forgives us.  When we choose to forgive and to see other people as God sees them, we get a glimpse of what perfect love looks like.  

God loves us so much that He sent his only Son to die on a cross.  Jesus, who had no sin, died for me and for you, so that we could be forgiven and spent eternity in Heaven.  That is perfect love!

Doubt Whispers

Jeremiah 17:7  But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.

I grew up in a loving home with wonderful parents.  I felt very secure growing up.  My parents encouraged me in my musical pursuits and I became a confident musician and person.  I was blessed to grow up in such an environment.

It was later that I began to doubt myself.  After I was married for about a year, I had a miscarriage.  I was very disappointed and afraid of what this might mean for my future.  Would I ever have a family?  At the time of this first miscarriage, my husband was realizing that his newly started career was not what he wanted from life.  He left his job and went back to school to get a degree in education.  So, I went looking for a job.  I was blessed with a wonderful opportunity to teach music at a local elementary and middle school.  I was offered the job just ten days before the start of the new school year.  It was a wonderful answer to prayer.  My husband would be able to pursue a new path; I would be able to financially support us while he was in school.

After life settled down a bit, we decided to try again to grow our family.  Soon I was pregnant and very excited.  I went for an ultrasound to determine how far along I was.  It was the look on the ultrasound tech's face that told me that something was wrong.  She left the room and returned a few minutes later with the doctor.  The results were "not normal."  Not normal...what does that even mean?  I didn't know what to think or what to expect, but the doctor explained that I would probably experience another miscarriage within a week's time.  The very next night I found myself in a hospital emergency room, weak and in pain, and no longer pregnant.

I began to doubt that I would ever be a mom.  But worse, I began to feel that maybe I wasn't good enough to be a mom.  Six months later another miscarriage brought me to a crossroads.  Would I turn my back on God, or would I trust in Him, even through the hardest of times.  I remember praying that God would help me to accept His will - whatever it may be.  If I was to be a mom, or if I was to remain without children, I would use my life to glorify Him.  Whatever His plans were, I would choose to rejoice in my blessings.

The very next month I was pregnant again.  My beautiful Anna was born and over the next few years I would have another daughter and a son.  It's hard to remember a time now when I didn't have kids.  Life is busy and sometimes a little crazy.  Those doubt whispers continue to call to me, even now.  I doubt my parenting abilities.  I wonder if I'm doing the right things for my kids.  I worry and fret about their future.  I need to put my trust in God.  He still has a plan for my life and he has a plan for each of my children.  When I put my trust in Him, I can be confident that He is working in my life.  I can let go of my worries and rest in His peace.  It isn't always easy to let go and trust God; it's something I have to practice every day.  And as is the case with most things, trusting in God gets easier with practice.